Opening day…of sorts

I thought it was time to go big time.  If reality television has taught me anything, it’s that any idiot  can be famous.  It is now time that I am that idiot.

I’ve been a Cardinals fan my whole life.  There are pictures of me when I was six months old, 250 pounds, wearing my baseball outfit.  But you won’t see them unless you can find the lock and key.

My first Cardinals game was for my 8th birthday.  The Cardinals won 10-2 with a grand slam from #19, Tom Pagnozzi.  My favorite player was Ozzie Smith.  My dad and I used to wait hours to meet him, and every time, the signing would be over before we could meet him.  I finally met him a few years ago, but it took me being at the airport at 5:30 am, getting ready for a flight to Hawaii.  He’s a nice guy, which really made all the waiting worth it.

Now, we begin with the point of this blog, to give my thoughts on the Cardinals and anything else I want to talk about.

My thoughts on the Cardinals/Cubs games:

1) The Cardinals fans were just as loud today at Wrigley as the Cubs fans.  Always a good thing.
2) The goatees have to go. 
3) The Cubs can spend all the money they want.  Until they do these things, they will never win a championship on the North Side:

  • Get a new stadium.  Wrigley [stinks].  The seats are too small, the sight lines are ****.  The wind plays into the game too much.  It’s crumbling and you’d think it was snow falling in July from the breaking cement.
  • Day games [stink].  That’s right, I said it.  They [stink].  Join the rest of us in the new century and start playing more games at night.  You will attract better players who enjoy night life and can sleep all day.  The best guys want to have a night life and don’t want to be in bed by 10.
  • Don’t spend money on guys who have never played certain positions and don’t want to.  That’s how you introduce bad team chemistry.  Chemistry isn’t everything, but when things are bad, good chemistry will keep the team from imploding.

4) Albert needed to get mad before he broke out.  It’s on now.
5) I think the same for Rolen.  He’s usually pretty even keel, but I’m sure he made Cubs fans even more upset with him for not signing with them when he had the chance.  See bullet 2 for his reasoning.  Except he just likes to sleep in.  I bet he gets really bad sunburns too.
6) This team will not win the division if Carpenter is not healthy.  Too much stability lost without him there. 
7) The team did an injustice by not making a major off-season move.  Everyone will be out to get them and they did not make themselves better.  They kept themselves right where they were, which is where they were when they were below .500 after the All-Star Break.  Injuries included, because Jimmy isn’t playing like he was in the first half last year and Eckstein hasn’t hit his stride.

And more baseball rants:
1) I am now officially a fan of the Yanks-Sox rivalry.   Why?  After a lot of thought, I came to the conclusion that instead of being an "east coast bias" thing, it’s really more about two really good teams that want to beat the **** out of each other.  And when players jump ship to the other side, the fans treat it like wresting tag team partners breaking up mid-match and one ends up having a chair smashed on his head.
2) Alex Rodriguez is a freak.  He will not only match the home run record, which may be Bonds’ or Aaron’s or Oh’s, but he will demolish it.  I’m estimating 1000 home runs by the time he retires.  And he will win multiple championships.  And he will win one single-handedly. 
3) Manny is actually Lil Jon.  I saw him snapping his fingers and staring while he was standing in left field.
4) The Yanks-Sox rivalry could not be as good if there was a salary cap.  But it is also the reason Royals/Twins games aren’t as good as they could be.
5) Did some replace JD Drew with his brother?  He hasn’t slipped on a stairwell yet.
6) Roger Clemens is going to shock the world and sign with his old team…the Blue Jays.  He said he only wants to pitch for teams for whom he had already pitched, and he could pitch in NY and Boston a lot if he goes to Toronto, and then he doesn’t have the pressure and he’d still be the man.  And they are a really good team.  If he did that and joined Halladay, the East would be over and the Blue Jays would be the team to beat.  I should contact his agent and tell him my plan to begin Canadian domination.
7) Someone, somewhere, is calling him "Milky" Cabrera.
8) Pete Rose should never be allowed in the Hall.  Gambling on games that you can determine the outcome is the biggest no-no in sports and should not be tolerated.  If you want to argue about it being a disease or whatever, I don’t buy it in this case.  Or that other bad people are in the Hall and we shouldn’t be moralists, let me add that I do not feel that an individual player’s racism and the ability of a manager to change the outcome of a game because he’s got money on it are on the same level.  Being a racist didn’t break the game’s rules (unfortunately, I may add, and it was encouraged for some time), but gambling on baseball does.  So to heck with him and his supporters.  If you support his addition to the Hall, then you support terrorism.  (Hey, it worked for Bush…)

Final thought:

Nuke your store-bought chocolate chip cookies before enjoying with some ice cold milk.  It truly is one of the miracles of the world.


p.s. A quick thank-you to my muse, Alyssa Milano.  If you can do this, I can too.


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